I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
