Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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