Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
time to smoke my breakfast
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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