Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
How external is "for external use only"?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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