Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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