apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
