roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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