remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
