Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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