The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
