1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
