are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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