Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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