Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
