Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
