Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
