I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
