Kiss
Puke
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
