my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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