I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
