8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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