Cold hands, warm shart.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
