I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The beer is more important than you right now.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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