I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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