last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I will pee on everything he values.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
