Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
