How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
