As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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