BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
