I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
