I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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