Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
