So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
