Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
