Pants 0. Shit 1.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
