if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
