somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
