Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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