Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This is the high leading the old right now
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
