im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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