I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
