Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
