Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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