How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
