I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
