some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you will always have a special place in my vag
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
