This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
