There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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