So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
