i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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