i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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