If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize