I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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