i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
