why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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