Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
