and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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